Mysterious text sent to me

RJ told us what happend. why are you ending it? you two were a story in the making. the best story ever. i dont understand. why hurt the both of you. you once loved him. what changed. who changed you?

+14086247217
Aug 5, 2010 1:14:01 PM

Dropped the odwalla bar on the carpet

Just dropped my berry odwalla snack bar on the carpet. I can't physically see if there's any dirt on it but since the texture of the bar is sticky I'm gonna play it safe and throw the half eaten snack into the trash. I'm about to go grab another one. This time I'll keep my grip tight, cya later

diarrhea poem

diarrhea about to flow, but you don't know where to go.
you're at the theater, sitting in the last row.
you move out of your seat, stepping on some feet.
almost at the exit, your journey is nearly complete.
the men's restroom is off in the distance.
you keep on running, moving with persistence.
just as you grab the handle to the door,
you hear a big fart--and you poop onto the floor.

True Friends

I realized that people change once you fart in front of them. They look at you differently and sometimes call you names, mean ones. Even your best friends can start hating you. I used to think that my friendships were strong. I used to think that nothing could tear apart my friendships with the people closest to me. But sometimes a simple fart can really show you who is a true friend and who is a faker. I don't want any friends that are gonna hate on me because I farted in front of them. That's not how a true friend is supposed to be. A true friend is supposed to stick with you through thick and thin, no matter how bad your farts smell.

How are you gonna claim you're my friend yet you wanna keep a 10-foot radius from me? You already know I drank like half a gallon of milk this morning. It's natural, anyway.

False fart

So i recently got into a little mishap. It was a rainy day and I was sitting in class minding my own business. Since the seats are organized in close columns i decided to rest my tired foot on the side of the seat in front of me. My rubbery soles slipped on the wet metal. Pfrrrrrrt. A few students nearby looked in my direction. My friend turned around in disgust. "Did you fart?" I gulped and replied no it was just my shoe sliding on the desk. "Sure.." he said. My face was starting to feel fuzzy and hot. "Look man im serious ill show you." I positioned myself like I was before with my shoes on the desk. I slid them but no sound came. Again i tried but nothing. My friend just shook his head. The bell rang and students began getting up and out of class. Zippers zipped and books closed in the bustle of activity. I remained there frantically sliding my shoe across the leg of his desk. I couldnt make my shoe fart. My friend stood up from his seat and stared at me. "Its ok bro. Everyone does it. But just try to hold it in when youre in class." He grabbed his books and walked away. I stayed in the empty class rubbing my soles against the metal. My face was red with embarassment. I couldnt make that sound again. Couldnt prove to everyone that im not a farter.

Peanut butter pants

since ive moved out i invented a really cool snack for myself. I take two slices of bread, pack on a crap load of peanut butter, and eat them with milk. This is always something i look forward to whenever i get the time to make em. But today i experienced the Dark Side of this snack. I was really hungry and so i thought to myself, hey maybe i should make a peanut butter snack. As I was taking out the bread and peanut butter my mouth was already beginning to drool. I made my fatal mistake when i decided to toast my bread. Now, usually when i eat my Peanut Butter Snack without toasting the bread i end up with hella peanut butter stuck to the roof of my mouth. That's why i eat it with milk. But for whatever reason today i felt like being more civilized and toasting the bread slices. The slices were hot as heck when i started spreading my peanut butter on them. As i took my first bite i was surprised at how liquidy the butter had become. Well, im no biologist but i have a feeling that the heat from the toasted bread had some kind of evil effect on my peanut butter. Before i knew it, my little sandwiches were bleeding peanut butters all over my pantalones. I ran to the bathroom in an attempt to rescue my clothing, but it was too late. So now my pant leg has a long brown streak on it that looks like i pooped on it. Well, i dont care because my pants smell tasty

Runnin'

Don't worry. I haven't ran away.
New posts will come soon, so just hold your horses.
Hopefully I'll get this blog poppin' like it was back in 2008.