True Friends

I realized that people change once you fart in front of them. They look at you differently and sometimes call you names, mean ones. Even your best friends can start hating you. I used to think that my friendships were strong. I used to think that nothing could tear apart my friendships with the people closest to me. But sometimes a simple fart can really show you who is a true friend and who is a faker. I don't want any friends that are gonna hate on me because I farted in front of them. That's not how a true friend is supposed to be. A true friend is supposed to stick with you through thick and thin, no matter how bad your farts smell.

How are you gonna claim you're my friend yet you wanna keep a 10-foot radius from me? You already know I drank like half a gallon of milk this morning. It's natural, anyway.

False fart

So i recently got into a little mishap. It was a rainy day and I was sitting in class minding my own business. Since the seats are organized in close columns i decided to rest my tired foot on the side of the seat in front of me. My rubbery soles slipped on the wet metal. Pfrrrrrrt. A few students nearby looked in my direction. My friend turned around in disgust. "Did you fart?" I gulped and replied no it was just my shoe sliding on the desk. "Sure.." he said. My face was starting to feel fuzzy and hot. "Look man im serious ill show you." I positioned myself like I was before with my shoes on the desk. I slid them but no sound came. Again i tried but nothing. My friend just shook his head. The bell rang and students began getting up and out of class. Zippers zipped and books closed in the bustle of activity. I remained there frantically sliding my shoe across the leg of his desk. I couldnt make my shoe fart. My friend stood up from his seat and stared at me. "Its ok bro. Everyone does it. But just try to hold it in when youre in class." He grabbed his books and walked away. I stayed in the empty class rubbing my soles against the metal. My face was red with embarassment. I couldnt make that sound again. Couldnt prove to everyone that im not a farter.

Peanut butter pants

since ive moved out i invented a really cool snack for myself. I take two slices of bread, pack on a crap load of peanut butter, and eat them with milk. This is always something i look forward to whenever i get the time to make em. But today i experienced the Dark Side of this snack. I was really hungry and so i thought to myself, hey maybe i should make a peanut butter snack. As I was taking out the bread and peanut butter my mouth was already beginning to drool. I made my fatal mistake when i decided to toast my bread. Now, usually when i eat my Peanut Butter Snack without toasting the bread i end up with hella peanut butter stuck to the roof of my mouth. That's why i eat it with milk. But for whatever reason today i felt like being more civilized and toasting the bread slices. The slices were hot as heck when i started spreading my peanut butter on them. As i took my first bite i was surprised at how liquidy the butter had become. Well, im no biologist but i have a feeling that the heat from the toasted bread had some kind of evil effect on my peanut butter. Before i knew it, my little sandwiches were bleeding peanut butters all over my pantalones. I ran to the bathroom in an attempt to rescue my clothing, but it was too late. So now my pant leg has a long brown streak on it that looks like i pooped on it. Well, i dont care because my pants smell tasty

Runnin'


Don't worry. I haven't ran away.
New posts will come soon, so just hold your horses.
Hopefully I'll get this blog poppin' like it was back in 2008.

Been thinkin about this lately

Books R Good

I recently found this speech by William Phelps. It's titled, "The Pleasure of Books".

The habit of reading is one of the greatest resources of mankind; and we enjoy reading books that belong to us much more than if they are borrowed. A borrowed book is like a guest in the house; it must be treated with punctiliousness, with a certain considerate formality. You must see that it sustains no damage; it must not suffer while under your roof. You cannot leave it carelessly, you cannot mark it, you cannot turn down the pages, you cannot use it familiarly. And then, some day, although this is seldom done, you really ought to return it.

But your own books belong to you; you treat them with that affectionate intimacy that annihilates formality. Books are for use, not for show; you should own no book that you are afraid to mark up, or afraid to place on the table, wide open and face down. A good reason for marking favorite passages in books is that this practice enables you to remember more easily the significant sayings, to refer to them quickly, and then in later years, it is like visiting a forest where you once blazed a trail. You have the pleasure of going over the old ground, and recalling both the intellectual scenery and your own earlier self.

Everyone should begin collecting a private library in youth; the instinct of private property, which is fundamental in human beings, can here be cultivated with every advantage and no evils. One should have one's own bookshelves, which should not have doors, glass windows, or keys; they should be free and accessible to the hand as well as to the eye. The best of mural decorations is books; they are more varied in color and appearance than any wallpaper, they are more attractive in design, and they have the prime advantage of being separate personalities, so that if you sit alone in the room in the firelight, you are surrounded with intimate friends. The knowledge that they are there in plain view is both stimulating and refreshing. You do not have to read them all. Most of my indoor life is spent in a room containing six thousand books; and I have a stock answer to the invariable question that comes from strangers. "Have you read all of these books?"
"Some of them twice." This reply is both true and unexpected.

There are of course no friends like living, breathing, corporeal men and women; my devotion to reading has never made me a recluse. How could it? Books are of the people, by the people, for the people. Literature is the immortal part of history; it is the best and most enduring part of personality. But book-friends have this advantage over living friends; you can enjoy the most truly aristocratic society in the world whenever you want it. The great dead are beyond our physical reach, and the great living are usually almost as inaccessible; as for our personal friends and acquaintances, we cannot always see them. Perchance they are asleep, or away on a journey. But in a private library, you can at any moment converse with Socrates or Shakespeare or Carlyle or Dumas or Dickens or Shaw or Barrie or Galsworthy. And there is no doubt that in these books you see these men at their best. They wrote for you. They "laid themselves out," they did their ultimate best to entertain you, to make a favorable impression. You are necessary to them as an audience is to an actor; only instead of seeing them masked, you look into their innermost heart of heart.

William Lyon Phelps - 1933

Jon's Earthquake Xperience

Oh man Oh man Oh man Oh man
I should have posted this hella days ago, but yeah..
Here's a recording of my buddy Jon describing his crazy earthquake experience. I set the audio to some nice images for your viewing pleasure.

Check it out mayne:

I messed up at 1:45. I thought he said "geometry teacher". Jajaja