On handshakes

Handshakes are the worst member of the Shake family. There's Milkshakes, Mango shakes, Strawberry shakes, Handshakes, and booty shakes. Despite being the lamest kind of shake, handshakes are perhaps the most important out of this list in terms of real life relevance. Nothing conveys confidence, power, and trust like a firm handshake. When shaking hands it is important to use the entire hands. Pinky shakes are unacceptable, and two-handed shakes (with the left hand covering the shake) should be reserved for African diplomats. Everyone else can use the traditional handshake.

The power of the handshake lies in the vulnerability it brings to the parties involved in the transaction. Your hands accumulate germs and gross shit all day every day. The handshake, then, is a relay of experience--a sort of formalized swapping of spit. When you shake a man's hand, you are shaking everything that man has ever held. There is importance in this. There is ancient wisdom